Unmotivated

I suppose it’s gonna happen. There’s gonna be those days. A case of the blahs. You just don’t want to do a darned thing. Today is one of those days.

It’s not that I don’t have any energy. Physically, I feel fine. Emotionally and mentally, I feel lethargic. I could easily waste these three hours before work on Facebook or Instagram. I could surf the web reading stuff that could be helpful, but more than likely I would find something negative, and that would rile my emotions up, and I’ll be mad at the world, and then latter scowl at customers, thinking, “Why are you bothering me? Go away! Shoo!” I’ll then hear my co-workers complain, and I’ll join in. We’ll create a symphony of cacophony.

There are a thousand and one things I’d rather be doing. Even organizing my sock drawer seems exciting. I could go get that root canal that I can’t afford. Maybe there will be a summons to jury duty in my mail box? I really just want to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away….and that thought is what wakes me up.

You see, I hate the idea of wasting a day away. I don’t know if it’s part of a mid life crisis thing, but knowing that I’m well over the other side of the halfway point in my life definitely shocks my senses. I want my waking life to be about something, anything but regret and remorse. I’m not one of those who feels like he has to purchase a sports car or go skydiving in order to feel alive. A walk in the park will do fine. So will a meal with a friend, or two hours in a movie theater. I’m kinda low maintenance like that. There are definitely bigger things I want to accomplish, and the reflecting one does at this time of the year definitely speaks to that.

Some days it’s kind of hard to connect the smaller things you do over the course of a day to the bigger things you have hope for. The ten minutes I spent meditating this morning were scattered, my budget I corrected seemed insignificant, and even the words I’m typing now seem like a self conscious pity party rather something uplifting and inspiring for others.

So, I say all of that to say this….there are going to be those kind of days. More than a few. The trick is not to change the course of momentum, or go back into resting inertia. More than likely, I am numb to the effect any steady drip is having on my life in these moments.

In the spiritual arena, these days are called Dark Nights of the Soul. There are days that one just does not “feel” the presence of God, any awareness is null and void. that doesn’t negate the presence of God. it just requires a faith to move on despite the feeling. It takes a bit of faith to get moving. You cling on to a sliver of hope.

Thirty minutes ago, this was a blank page with not an inkling of an idea how to proceed. A little bit of faith and some movement…and there you go.

People…geesh.

“This job would be okay, if it weren’t for the customers!” says just about every retail worker on the planet. Well, maybe they never say it. But they do think it. Maybe not just retail workers. If you bleed and/or breathe or perform a combination of the two on a regular basis, then I bet you’ve thought it. Maybe you thoroughly love your job now and people are just wonderful. But at one time, you, too, were a card carrying member of the “I hate dealing with stupid people” club. If you never have been issued your card, just wait.

The point is, people can suck. Dealing with people can suck. Sure, there can be blessings, and lots of them. Usually it takes some years of suffering and some miles on the maturity gauge to get to a point where card carrying members  don’t need their card renewed because they have learned a few tricks. I’m not sure I have enough punches on my card to redeem it for the prize yet, but I’m learning a few things.

1.) On this side of eternity, it’s always going to suck. Two things about this. #1, A good chunk (notice I did not say majority) of people are always going to be selfish, needy, conniving, bitter, difficult and/or any combination of the aforementioned. We will always have difficult people with us. We can’t really fix them ourselves. #2, I kinda suck myself. And guess what? You kinda do, too. We all have our moments. Hopefully as we get some mileage, we have fewer sucky moments that we’re responsible for. But, if you’re breathing or bleeding, guess what? You’re also in the “I suck” club.

2.) Part of the reason people suck is that they live unmotivated lives. I used to think that these kind of people were lazy and entitled. (Some of them are.) Now I see that they just don’t have a big enough “Why” in their lives. Along the same vein, people who are born with the potential to be creative are not exercising their creative muscles. All folks are creative. ALL. Capital A Capital L Capital L Period. But fear, insecurity, and low self esteems prevent folks from exploring their creativity. Non existent creativity results in folks not solving problems. Including their day to day problems that put them in that sucky state of mind.

3.) You can’t change people. People have to want to change themselves. We’ve heard that so many times it’s almost cliché. But it’s true. Believe me, I’ve wanted to change so many lousy customers so badly, I could’ve throat punched them. But coercion never works. You may think coercion changes people, but it’s only temporary. Only influence from a safe relationship built on trust and respect, and yes, love, can begin to plant seeds of change, but it’s a interdependent relationship. Not a lot of folks want to invest that kind of emotional capital. That’s unfortunate, because it seems to me that a lot of these folks, especially the younger generation, need mentors in their lives.

So there are three things for now. We all suck. We’re unmotivated. We can’t change people.
Are there solutions or alternatives? I think there are. But my 500 words are up, and this is definitely a good intro to a “To be continued” kind of series. So for now…

Suck it up, buttercup!